When a friend sent me a message about `the reality clock' I immediately thought of you. The message is essentially about living a life that matters; life is not just about making money, but more importantly life is about making a lasting impact on others. You reminded me very much of someone who had lived a life that made an immediate impression on others in the way you showed kindness to those that you have just met once; in the way you found time for family and friends and in the way you showed appreciation for things you receive in life.
I really miss you. your aunty Choo Choo.
Tonight,we are going to celebrate your life. Mom, Chean Shen, Lie Hui and I are going to your favourite restaurant and we want to toast your life.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Link to Mei Phing's pictures
For more of Mei Phing's Pictures go to
http://meiphingsep151975todec282005.shutterfly.com/
http://meiphingsep151975todec282005.shutterfly.com/
Saturday, September 16, 2006
September 15
Yesterday was a memorable day for my family as it was MP's birthday. She was a tiny baby, barely weighing 6 lbs but she was so beautiful. She stole our hearts from day one. She was always such a doll literally. Friends and relatives would come back from the Shopping Mall claiming that they saw a child mannequin that looked exactly like MP. She was loved by everybody around her for not only was she so pretty and adorable, she was also enchanting
MP met life head on with a big heart, appreciative of what life had to offer and respect for everyone around her. She had always followed her heart and as she grew older and wiser, she also began to embrace the 5 precepts of Buddhism. She was not fanatical about the practice but did her best where it counted the most. She was never too busy for her friends or family when they needed her. Her supportive, non judgmental and cheery disposition created a strong pull for people around her and so they gravitate towards her like metal to a magnet.
Back in Penang where she was born and raised, her best friends remembered this day with prayers by Buddhist Monks. Here in Kuala Lumpur where I now call home, my family remembered her birthday with a gathering. We drank wine with Max’s home cooked spaghetti Bolognese and topped it off with my experimental New York baked cheese cake. All of these were some of MP’s favorites. She loved to eat and enjoyed everything without reserve and she was always very appreciative of whatever she was offered.
What happened to MP broke my heart and there is not a single day that I wished this was all just a bad dream. In order for my heart to start the healing process, I must accept what has happened and I am trying. I have to keep reminding myself that I have to be thankful that MP was ever in my life and that she had lived life to the fullest …… She came, she saw and she conquered …
Friday, July 28, 2006
Void
The Ghost Festival started a couple days back. The Chinese believe that every year during the Chinese 7th lunar month, spirits are free to roam this earthly habitat as they please for 30 days.
It is a tradition in my family and many other families to pray and make offerings to the dearly departed during this period. I had done my share of this as well until now. Now that MP has joined the ranks of the dearly departed, I struggle with myself what to believe. On the one hand I want so much to have a chance to ask her why she had to go, was it really her time, was there something we could have done different? But on the other hand, I also want to believe that she’s with god. At least for my sanity I have to believe that she’s isn’t hanging around here but happy in heaven or already reborn to a good family who loves her and cherish her as we do.
When MP died, a part of me died too. I know that I must be thankful that I have my son and my family who are here for me and I am grateful for their support but my heart won’t heal. As much as I try not to, I still feel the void. People say that time will heal all wounds and I suppose it will but I have a feeling that this won’t apply to me, at least not in this lifetime.
MP would have been 31 years old in 48 days. Never in my entire life did I ever imagine life without her. We grew up together and I had always taken it for granted that we would grow old together as well. I have been trying to find my own way for the last couple of months and I am still lost.
It is a tradition in my family and many other families to pray and make offerings to the dearly departed during this period. I had done my share of this as well until now. Now that MP has joined the ranks of the dearly departed, I struggle with myself what to believe. On the one hand I want so much to have a chance to ask her why she had to go, was it really her time, was there something we could have done different? But on the other hand, I also want to believe that she’s with god. At least for my sanity I have to believe that she’s isn’t hanging around here but happy in heaven or already reborn to a good family who loves her and cherish her as we do.
When MP died, a part of me died too. I know that I must be thankful that I have my son and my family who are here for me and I am grateful for their support but my heart won’t heal. As much as I try not to, I still feel the void. People say that time will heal all wounds and I suppose it will but I have a feeling that this won’t apply to me, at least not in this lifetime.
MP would have been 31 years old in 48 days. Never in my entire life did I ever imagine life without her. We grew up together and I had always taken it for granted that we would grow old together as well. I have been trying to find my own way for the last couple of months and I am still lost.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Understanding
We had lunch today, Guat Tin and I. It was a noisy busy Indian restaurant, brimming over with life. Food piling up on every banana leaf on every table. People eating too much and talking too much. I said to Guat Tin, you've lost weight. She said, ya, no appetite and I keep waking up at night.
Just over 3 months since Mei Phing left us, and the grief lies below the surface of our lives. Shimmering and simmering like a silent boil. Shading every second of our existence. Slanting the hours of our everyday in ways we cannot completely comprehend.
And so, we shuffle along and speaking of the strange symptoms which have taken a hold of us, we hope to find some solace, some redemption for the cruel state of affairs which has overtaken our lives.
It is the state of being human that we grapple forever with the lack of understanding and clarity about our place in the larger scheme of things. Even on hindsight. But sometimes, it is the only comfort we can truly gain when we finally accept that we can never really know everything, neither change things to become the way they used to be.
Just over 3 months since Mei Phing left us, and the grief lies below the surface of our lives. Shimmering and simmering like a silent boil. Shading every second of our existence. Slanting the hours of our everyday in ways we cannot completely comprehend.
And so, we shuffle along and speaking of the strange symptoms which have taken a hold of us, we hope to find some solace, some redemption for the cruel state of affairs which has overtaken our lives.
It is the state of being human that we grapple forever with the lack of understanding and clarity about our place in the larger scheme of things. Even on hindsight. But sometimes, it is the only comfort we can truly gain when we finally accept that we can never really know everything, neither change things to become the way they used to be.
Friday, February 17, 2006
How do you mark time
The brightness of her eyes
And the way her lips turn
Just as it parts
Into a smile
The timbre of her voice
Her mock serious tone
Which dissolves into laughter
To tell you its a joke, its a joke
The figure by the door
Outlined
Her favoured t-shirt
And the way her hair falls over her face
This is how you mark the moments
Of your day
Thursday, February 16, 2006
I Carry Your Heart With Me
I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart) I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true) and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)
……EE Cummings
To Mei Phing with love from Dad
Whether we like it or not, we have to accept the facts that you are gone for 49 days. Everyday we are sure to think of you not a day passes without missing you Upon yesterday's prayer day and night for your journey to Heaven, we know you arrived and watching over us from Heaven's window
sharing in our joy and sorrows.
Because you are the most beautiful person we all know
so surely you'll put in a good word to God for us while you're there. Instead of wishing you happy Valentines Day yesterday We wish you all the greatness in Heaven With precious memories of you stay clearly forever in our heart to be treasured.
Dearly missed & fondly remember by all of us
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Remembering MeiPhing by Ooi Guat Tin (Aunty Choo2)
Today is the 49th day since Mei Phing passed away. some Chinese believe that the 49th day is the day that the spirits of the deceased will visit their love ones. today is also Valentine's day; the coincidence is not lost on us. We love her and miss her very much. To remember Mei Phing for her kindness, selflessness to families and friends, and her appreciation for everything she has received, I have made a donation to some charities in her name on this special day.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Remembering
It's Chinese New Year today. Another turning of the year, the lunar year. I remember my mother whom I lost in April, and Mei Phing who left us just before the year ended in 2005. It's times like these we miss the ones we love acutely. I suppose so much of our memories of each other are also bound by occasions, and when they leave us, each occasion will wash us over with the times we shared meals, laughter and talking. We miss the warmth of their smiles, the sound of their voices, their laughter as they hurried to tell a tale, to share a joke. We miss holding them and saying how much we love them this Chinese New Year. Someone once said to me, they will always be with you now, in spirit. Being human, we yearn otherwise, wanting always it to be the way it was.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
UNFORGETABLE IMPRESSION
Posted on behalf of Desmond Yew :
Hi Wendy,
I’ve had the privilege of knowing your daughter and although we only met on several occasions, she has left an unforgettable impression on me. Her style and enthusiasm still reverberates in my mind. I’m also deeply saddened by her passing and cannot imagine the grief you must be feeling.
When I hear news of my friends who have lost a loved one, I usually have some words of comfort but in this case, I am speechless. And this is not the first time that MP has done this…. Leaving someone speechless. That just shows the impact she had on the people she interacted with.
This acts as a reminder to all of us how much life really means to us and those who love us. You must find courage from her shadow and look upon this as an opportunity to say thank you for the way she has brightened all our lives. She would want you, and all her friends, to pledge ourselves to live life like she had.
Desmond
Hi Wendy,
I’ve had the privilege of knowing your daughter and although we only met on several occasions, she has left an unforgettable impression on me. Her style and enthusiasm still reverberates in my mind. I’m also deeply saddened by her passing and cannot imagine the grief you must be feeling.
When I hear news of my friends who have lost a loved one, I usually have some words of comfort but in this case, I am speechless. And this is not the first time that MP has done this…. Leaving someone speechless. That just shows the impact she had on the people she interacted with.
This acts as a reminder to all of us how much life really means to us and those who love us. You must find courage from her shadow and look upon this as an opportunity to say thank you for the way she has brightened all our lives. She would want you, and all her friends, to pledge ourselves to live life like she had.
Desmond
On Death
You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.
From Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.
From Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet
Thursday, January 19, 2006
JUST MEI PHING
Mei Phing’s friends, cousins and relatives want pictures of her. Not just the recent ones but the ones of her growing up so I started to sort out all the pictures we had taken. It never occurred to me that I would have to sieve through more than 2000 pictures. I set out to chronicle these pictures and as it turned out, it was easier to tell the photos apart when she was younger but once she turned 17, she basically stayed the same. People always think she’s 18. There is a refreshing innocence in the way she enjoys everything she experiences. Memories of all the happy and fun times we had, captured on film. Wish we could find a video with her voice though.
She was a small baby of 6 lbs, so delicate and beautiful. Such a bundle of joy and smiled a lot. Yep, she was a happy child and this sunny disposition stayed with her throughout her growing up years and right up to the time of her death. She is always cracking a joke and making people around her laugh. Even on the day she was admitted into Carle, she was joking with the attending physician. The account was related to me by her friend Todd who was with her at the time. After the initial examination, the doctor told MP that she would have to remove her pants, she retorted with "that will cost you”.... Her 'tongue in cheek' retorts were witty and she spins them out without much effort. Like her cousin sister SweePea says, no holds bared, mom included. Wish I could recall more of the jokes she used to entertain us with but those of you who know how forgetful MP is now knows where she got it from.
I sent MP to a Chinese medium school for 12 years from primary through completion of her secondary education. She was president of the Jr Jaycees Club during her secondary years and core member of the English language debating team. Her team competed at the state level and went on to the finals beating teams from English medium schools. Of course this surprised a lot of people for it was incomprehensible that a team from a Chinese school could out perform hot favorites that were from English schools. MP loves a good debate and Ross had first hand experience of how passionate she can be if she wanted to pick a ‘fight’.
Throughout her student days, from primary to college, she competed and won many medals on the track and field. Running was her forte. And now she's outrun all of us. With so many things on her plate, it’s a wonder where she gets her energy. Well I guess her teachers would have this answer for she takes her naps in class. You can’t begin to count how many times I had to listen to her teachers complain about her sleeping in class, yes stretched out across her desk. Her teachers were of course dumbfounded when she scored 6As and a B for a major grade exam.
She enrolled in the Malaysian Army Reserve Unit, completed all of the qualifying tests and was inaugurated by the King and Queen of Malaysia to the rank of 2nd Lieutenant. Not bad for a petite girl. I like to tease her about this as she’s the smallest in our family of 4 and she would always tell me that ‘good things come in small packages’. Not only did she complete the obstacle races in training, in one instance she went back on the monkey bars and helped a team mate cross. This is just one example of how she never thought twice about helping others.
I was not quite an adult myself when I was pregnant with MP so her dad and I had actually considered giving her up for adoption. Of course this idea very quickly flew out the window the minute we held her in our arms. She won her way into our hearts with her smile. What horrors!!! Life would simply have been so boring and dull without her. It never fails to fascinate me how expressive her eyes were. She was beautiful in and out and smart too… Beauty with brains and a great personality to boot…what a combination. Like Cheng said we are all so proud of her. I could not have asked for more in a daughter and as I go through the pictures nothing of what happened makes any sense.
She was a small baby of 6 lbs, so delicate and beautiful. Such a bundle of joy and smiled a lot. Yep, she was a happy child and this sunny disposition stayed with her throughout her growing up years and right up to the time of her death. She is always cracking a joke and making people around her laugh. Even on the day she was admitted into Carle, she was joking with the attending physician. The account was related to me by her friend Todd who was with her at the time. After the initial examination, the doctor told MP that she would have to remove her pants, she retorted with "that will cost you”.... Her 'tongue in cheek' retorts were witty and she spins them out without much effort. Like her cousin sister SweePea says, no holds bared, mom included. Wish I could recall more of the jokes she used to entertain us with but those of you who know how forgetful MP is now knows where she got it from.
I sent MP to a Chinese medium school for 12 years from primary through completion of her secondary education. She was president of the Jr Jaycees Club during her secondary years and core member of the English language debating team. Her team competed at the state level and went on to the finals beating teams from English medium schools. Of course this surprised a lot of people for it was incomprehensible that a team from a Chinese school could out perform hot favorites that were from English schools. MP loves a good debate and Ross had first hand experience of how passionate she can be if she wanted to pick a ‘fight’.
Throughout her student days, from primary to college, she competed and won many medals on the track and field. Running was her forte. And now she's outrun all of us. With so many things on her plate, it’s a wonder where she gets her energy. Well I guess her teachers would have this answer for she takes her naps in class. You can’t begin to count how many times I had to listen to her teachers complain about her sleeping in class, yes stretched out across her desk. Her teachers were of course dumbfounded when she scored 6As and a B for a major grade exam.
She enrolled in the Malaysian Army Reserve Unit, completed all of the qualifying tests and was inaugurated by the King and Queen of Malaysia to the rank of 2nd Lieutenant. Not bad for a petite girl. I like to tease her about this as she’s the smallest in our family of 4 and she would always tell me that ‘good things come in small packages’. Not only did she complete the obstacle races in training, in one instance she went back on the monkey bars and helped a team mate cross. This is just one example of how she never thought twice about helping others.
I was not quite an adult myself when I was pregnant with MP so her dad and I had actually considered giving her up for adoption. Of course this idea very quickly flew out the window the minute we held her in our arms. She won her way into our hearts with her smile. What horrors!!! Life would simply have been so boring and dull without her. It never fails to fascinate me how expressive her eyes were. She was beautiful in and out and smart too… Beauty with brains and a great personality to boot…what a combination. Like Cheng said we are all so proud of her. I could not have asked for more in a daughter and as I go through the pictures nothing of what happened makes any sense.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Buying that television
It must have been at least 3 years ago. The first time I met Mei Phing, we went out to SS2 in Petaling Jaya to one of those numerous, overstocked electronic stores which sold every conceivable electrical equipment to buy a TV for her Aunty Choo Choo. I was struck by her wide smile which reached up, and crinkled her eyes, or maybe began in her eyes and travelled to her mouth. Whichever, but the effect was pure effervescence. I thought she was so young, enthusiastic and just bursting with life. And to be honest, just a tad sceptical that she could handle those wheeling dealing salesmen who ran these stores. Most of them were pretty young too, but they always gave the impression that they'd been there, and done that, and well, aren't too bothered about anything except making a sale, and ensuring that they got their commission. So, when Mei Phing said, Aunty Choo Choo, don't worry, we will get you a TV for the best price, I wasn't sure that it would pan out that way.
We began by first, combing through a few stores, and comparing prices and models. Finally, we zeroed in on one, and Mei Phing got to work. She was indefatigable, and charming to boot. As she was whittling away at the price, she smiled that broad smile and carried on in a totally polite, yet firm manner which befuddled the poor salesmen who was probably used to raised voices and somewhat emotional customers who either got mad or unruly after 30 minutes. But there was Mei Phing, in a pair of shorts, t-shirt and baseball cap, laughing yet. It took a while, and after that, even the salesman conceded in a rather resigned sort of way, but kinda scratching his head as though bewildered by even his lack of resistance. Mei Phing just melted it all away. And of course, she was delighted! When we got home, she immediately carried the large TV upstairs and fixed it up, and with much aplomb switched it on. A swift victory, and no frazzled nerves.
It takes a certain kind of greatness to achieve victory without stooping low, without drawing blood. It also takes wisdom, a depth of understanding of people and curiously, also a kind of respect, that allows someone to move along with such confidence and grace. Its a rare thing, and in that first instance I met her, I recognised her spirit. You are right, Wendy. Mei Phing's greatest achievement was herself, and for that, we can only be so grateful.
We began by first, combing through a few stores, and comparing prices and models. Finally, we zeroed in on one, and Mei Phing got to work. She was indefatigable, and charming to boot. As she was whittling away at the price, she smiled that broad smile and carried on in a totally polite, yet firm manner which befuddled the poor salesmen who was probably used to raised voices and somewhat emotional customers who either got mad or unruly after 30 minutes. But there was Mei Phing, in a pair of shorts, t-shirt and baseball cap, laughing yet. It took a while, and after that, even the salesman conceded in a rather resigned sort of way, but kinda scratching his head as though bewildered by even his lack of resistance. Mei Phing just melted it all away. And of course, she was delighted! When we got home, she immediately carried the large TV upstairs and fixed it up, and with much aplomb switched it on. A swift victory, and no frazzled nerves.
It takes a certain kind of greatness to achieve victory without stooping low, without drawing blood. It also takes wisdom, a depth of understanding of people and curiously, also a kind of respect, that allows someone to move along with such confidence and grace. Its a rare thing, and in that first instance I met her, I recognised her spirit. You are right, Wendy. Mei Phing's greatest achievement was herself, and for that, we can only be so grateful.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Fried Rice in Ayutthaya by SweePea
Being an older cousin sister to Mei Phing means I have had the pleasure of her company for the past 30 years. I knew her first as a younger baby sister, such a doll, no I’m not kidding… she really looks like a doll. Hmmmm…. let me get her baby photo…..
When studies and careers brought us all together in sunny Kuala Lumpur, we became the best of buddies. Like Cheng (my not-so-much-younger sister) says we were always chattering and laughing. There was so much laughing that most times you would find us bent over with our sides hurting. We talked about anything and everything. No holds barred!! Hence, some of our conversations cannot be repeated here to protect the sensitivities of our younger readers.
In Sept 2004, we decided to take our loud chattering and laughing to Bangkok. We had the most fantastic and sometimes hilarious times. I remember one evening, after strolling through the ruins in the ancient city of Ayutthaya, our cab driver/ tour guide, Sa-Ngiam, took us to a quaint little eatery for dinner. Since Aunty Wendy insisted that we MUST eat where the local Thai people eat, most meals are somewhat like a little surprise as we weren’t familiar with the menus and were never very sure what we had ordered.
Mei Phing, Sa-Ngiam and I ordered three different type of fried rice respectively. When the first plate of fried rice arrived at our table, Mei Phing was very excited and asked if that was her order (…. like I said, we were never very sure of what we ordered). Sa-Ngiam nodded his head politely and pushed the plate of fried rice to Mei Phing. With the same enthusiasm that she does everything with, she also approached her food the same way. Mei Phing dived into the plate of rice and was thoroughly enjoying herself. We were all also snacking off her plate to try the yummy rice.
Very soon the second plate of fried rice arrives; Sa-Ngiam again smiled and pushed the rice towards Mei Phing. Boy! Mei Phing must have looked really hungry, or so we thought. After much clarification (Sa-Ngaim doesn’t really speak English), we figured that he was trying to tell us, in not so many words, that Mei Phing was in actual fact chowing down his rice. The facial expression on Mei Phing face was priceless as it sank in that she had been eating our cab driver’s fried rice and now that her order was served, Sa-Ngiam wanted his rice back! Looking uncertain, spoon hovering above the plate, she wondered what was the polite thing to do. While the rest of us were giggling away, Aunty Wendy took control of the awkward situation and insisted that Sa-Ngiam take Mei Phing’s order instead but Sa-Ngaim politely refused and told us it is OK! Chean Shen was the fast thinking one who figured out that Sa-Ngiam was really looking forward to enjoying his fried rice and was not keen to eat anything else. With an apologetic grin (and she does grin a lot), Mei Phing gave back the half eaten fried rice. I don’t really know how Sa-Ngiam felt about his first dining experience with us, as for us, we laughed all the way back to Bangkok!!
The theme for all our ‘makan-makan’ sessions with Mei Phing has always been FUN! For now, our family ‘makan-makan’ sessions are bitter-sweet events as we struggle to be cheerful, while at the same time, we cannot deny the fact that we are short of one laughing family member at the table. It is very difficult to accept that Mei Phing will never be sitting with me at the same dining table and that I will never hear her laughter again. All I have are the sweet memories of our good times together. I guess I should not be greedy for more and should be thankful that I had her for 30 fun years but … too bad, I WANT MORE!!! 30 YEARS JUST AIN’T ENOUGH!! Oops!….sorry for the outburst, I am a bit confused, sometimes angry and most times just plain depressed… However, I am working on feeling more positive and to accept (reluctantly) what fate has dealt us, seriously, no worries, I am working on it. To honor the memory of Mei Phing, we all need to embrace life and make the most of what we have. She was always working at brightening up our days and we will not let her hard work go to waste, just because she has decided to go and be a Spanish baby!!(private joke...hehehehe…just for those of us who believe in karma)
Gracias & Adiós Señorita Mei Phing!
Being an older cousin sister to Mei Phing means I have had the pleasure of her company for the past 30 years. I knew her first as a younger baby sister, such a doll, no I’m not kidding… she really looks like a doll. Hmmmm…. let me get her baby photo…..
When studies and careers brought us all together in sunny Kuala Lumpur, we became the best of buddies. Like Cheng (my not-so-much-younger sister) says we were always chattering and laughing. There was so much laughing that most times you would find us bent over with our sides hurting. We talked about anything and everything. No holds barred!! Hence, some of our conversations cannot be repeated here to protect the sensitivities of our younger readers.
In Sept 2004, we decided to take our loud chattering and laughing to Bangkok. We had the most fantastic and sometimes hilarious times. I remember one evening, after strolling through the ruins in the ancient city of Ayutthaya, our cab driver/ tour guide, Sa-Ngiam, took us to a quaint little eatery for dinner. Since Aunty Wendy insisted that we MUST eat where the local Thai people eat, most meals are somewhat like a little surprise as we weren’t familiar with the menus and were never very sure what we had ordered.
Mei Phing, Sa-Ngiam and I ordered three different type of fried rice respectively. When the first plate of fried rice arrived at our table, Mei Phing was very excited and asked if that was her order (…. like I said, we were never very sure of what we ordered). Sa-Ngiam nodded his head politely and pushed the plate of fried rice to Mei Phing. With the same enthusiasm that she does everything with, she also approached her food the same way. Mei Phing dived into the plate of rice and was thoroughly enjoying herself. We were all also snacking off her plate to try the yummy rice.
Very soon the second plate of fried rice arrives; Sa-Ngiam again smiled and pushed the rice towards Mei Phing. Boy! Mei Phing must have looked really hungry, or so we thought. After much clarification (Sa-Ngaim doesn’t really speak English), we figured that he was trying to tell us, in not so many words, that Mei Phing was in actual fact chowing down his rice. The facial expression on Mei Phing face was priceless as it sank in that she had been eating our cab driver’s fried rice and now that her order was served, Sa-Ngiam wanted his rice back! Looking uncertain, spoon hovering above the plate, she wondered what was the polite thing to do. While the rest of us were giggling away, Aunty Wendy took control of the awkward situation and insisted that Sa-Ngiam take Mei Phing’s order instead but Sa-Ngaim politely refused and told us it is OK! Chean Shen was the fast thinking one who figured out that Sa-Ngiam was really looking forward to enjoying his fried rice and was not keen to eat anything else. With an apologetic grin (and she does grin a lot), Mei Phing gave back the half eaten fried rice. I don’t really know how Sa-Ngiam felt about his first dining experience with us, as for us, we laughed all the way back to Bangkok!!
The theme for all our ‘makan-makan’ sessions with Mei Phing has always been FUN! For now, our family ‘makan-makan’ sessions are bitter-sweet events as we struggle to be cheerful, while at the same time, we cannot deny the fact that we are short of one laughing family member at the table. It is very difficult to accept that Mei Phing will never be sitting with me at the same dining table and that I will never hear her laughter again. All I have are the sweet memories of our good times together. I guess I should not be greedy for more and should be thankful that I had her for 30 fun years but … too bad, I WANT MORE!!! 30 YEARS JUST AIN’T ENOUGH!! Oops!….sorry for the outburst, I am a bit confused, sometimes angry and most times just plain depressed… However, I am working on feeling more positive and to accept (reluctantly) what fate has dealt us, seriously, no worries, I am working on it. To honor the memory of Mei Phing, we all need to embrace life and make the most of what we have. She was always working at brightening up our days and we will not let her hard work go to waste, just because she has decided to go and be a Spanish baby!!(private joke...hehehehe…just for those of us who believe in karma)
Gracias & Adiós Señorita Mei Phing!
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Growing Up With Mei Phing
Mei Phing made growing up with her an easy and enjoyable task interspersed with lots of laughter and love. She loved life, her family and friends and was passionate about her work. If she decides that a challenge was worth her while, she would give it her best shot and be successful at it. This was the motto she lived her life up till her departure on Dec 28 2005.
She was brave and never once complained about her sufferings during those 2 fateful weeks at the hospital. Physically she’s gone but everyday, every hour, every minute and every second she is very much alive in my heart.
My family and I are deeply touched by the number of people who reached out to console us and extended their assistance in one way or another. We were brought together by one single motive and that is our love for Mei Phing. I take comfort in the fact that my daughter had touched so many lives and had brought joy to so many people during her 30 years with us. I also want to thank everyone who had been there for Mei Phing and I am certain the love she had received helped shaped her character and attitudes towards life.
Her achievements in the academics as well as in the sports arena were many but I think everyone she’s met will agree that her greatest achievement was herself. Who she chose to be and how she chose to live her life. She’s caring, sincere and always ready to lend a helping hand, always putting other’s need before her own. I worried that Mei Phing will get hurt ridding around on her panther or rushing off to lend her friend moral support from a drunken father. I worried that she may catch a cold or that she does not eat enough and god knows how many other irrational worries a mother could possibly have. I swore that I would never outlive my children for I did not think I could survive the pain. So much for my plans for I was not given a choice in this matter.
Mei Phing’s at peace and I know she would want us all to be happy. Guess what, life goes on regardless. No, I don’t even have the luxury of losing my sanity and so be oblivious to the pain. There are moments when I want to scream and punch something, moments when I can’t believe that she’s really gone, moments when I think this is all a dream. I want very much to push these thoughts away and pretend that everything is okay that the world is still the same and in many ways it is except that there is an angel missing from my life. I will continue to miss my angel years from now and maybe I will be braver then and won’t cry as much but for now I will allow myself to grieve my lose and wallow in self pity and be miserable. For this too I don’t have a choice. It is just too hard to think of what life will be like without my little girl to grow old with…..
She was brave and never once complained about her sufferings during those 2 fateful weeks at the hospital. Physically she’s gone but everyday, every hour, every minute and every second she is very much alive in my heart.
My family and I are deeply touched by the number of people who reached out to console us and extended their assistance in one way or another. We were brought together by one single motive and that is our love for Mei Phing. I take comfort in the fact that my daughter had touched so many lives and had brought joy to so many people during her 30 years with us. I also want to thank everyone who had been there for Mei Phing and I am certain the love she had received helped shaped her character and attitudes towards life.
Her achievements in the academics as well as in the sports arena were many but I think everyone she’s met will agree that her greatest achievement was herself. Who she chose to be and how she chose to live her life. She’s caring, sincere and always ready to lend a helping hand, always putting other’s need before her own. I worried that Mei Phing will get hurt ridding around on her panther or rushing off to lend her friend moral support from a drunken father. I worried that she may catch a cold or that she does not eat enough and god knows how many other irrational worries a mother could possibly have. I swore that I would never outlive my children for I did not think I could survive the pain. So much for my plans for I was not given a choice in this matter.
Mei Phing’s at peace and I know she would want us all to be happy. Guess what, life goes on regardless. No, I don’t even have the luxury of losing my sanity and so be oblivious to the pain. There are moments when I want to scream and punch something, moments when I can’t believe that she’s really gone, moments when I think this is all a dream. I want very much to push these thoughts away and pretend that everything is okay that the world is still the same and in many ways it is except that there is an angel missing from my life. I will continue to miss my angel years from now and maybe I will be braver then and won’t cry as much but for now I will allow myself to grieve my lose and wallow in self pity and be miserable. For this too I don’t have a choice. It is just too hard to think of what life will be like without my little girl to grow old with…..
Memories
It seemed only like yesterday ....the phone rang and a voice, familiar and always cheerful, greeted me:`auntie choo2, what are you doing for New Year's eve? Do you want me to come over?'But soon the reality sank in; the voice I'd always look forward to hearing was never going to come back. On New Year's eve, I sat alone in the family hall looking at her photographs and I was overcome with emotion; it hit me that Mei Phing was never ever going to come back; a part of me died. I've lost someone who was more than a niece; Mei Phing was like a daughter to me. Ever so kind, considerate and caring, she would always look out for me. Whenever there was a book sale, whenever she was in the neighborhood to get some thing to eat, she would call. She never turned me down when I needed help, always ready with words of encouragement in times of despair and always so selfless to family and friends. Yet, all these words are so inadequate to pay tribute to someone of such unique character; someone who was larger than life and someone who personified the ultimate goodness of mankind. Memories of Mei Phing we shall forever cherish. always your loving auntie choo2.
It seemed only like yesterday ....the phone rang and a voice, familiar and always cheerful, greeted me:`auntie choo2, what are you doing for New Year's eve? Do you want me to come over?'But soon the reality sank in; the voice I'd always look forward to hearing was never going to come back. On New Year's eve, I sat alone in the family hall looking at her photographs and I was overcome with emotion; it hit me that Mei Phing was never ever going to come back; a part of me died. I've lost someone who was more than a niece; Mei Phing was like a daughter to me. Ever so kind, considerate and caring, she would always look out for me. Whenever there was a book sale, whenever she was in the neighborhood to get some thing to eat, she would call. She never turned me down when I needed help, always ready with words of encouragement in times of despair and always so selfless to family and friends. Yet, all these words are so inadequate to pay tribute to someone of such unique character; someone who was larger than life and someone who personified the ultimate goodness of mankind. Memories of Mei Phing we shall forever cherish. always your loving auntie choo2.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
On hearing the news
This is an extract from by blogsite posted Jan 2 2006.
New Year's Day
It was a very difficult day. I saw the obituary of my friend's niece in the papers, and discovered in one quick phone call the fragility of our mortal state. She was 31, a star all her life, in paper and on the field. A doctorate in biotechnology at 28; and a post-doctorate in the US before she was admitted for acute pneumonia, and shortly after, doctors discovered she had leukemia, very late stage. Within 10 days of diagnosis, she had succumbed.
Exactly a month from a December 2 photo of her smiling broadly with her first snowman, accompanied by an exuberant email account, punctuated liberally with smilies, of her first snowball fight, all that's left of her body are ashes in an urn, quietly coming home in the arms of her grieving mother. The brightness of her body, spirit and mind, and the swiftness in which it was extinguished, leaving a grief that cannot bear description marked the turning of the year for me. I, who merely stood on the periphery of that vast pool of collective weeping of her family and her many closest friends, am deeply shaken.
I cannot imagine how it would be for those who love her so deeply.
Yesterday, all evening, I sat with my friend. We watched the rain sweeping through her back garden, the long fingers of leaves glistening from rivulets that ran, unbidden, down their lean green lengths. Sometimes, a gusting wind shook the moisture off, but the rivulets returned, like a persistent stream claiming its natural course. And after a while, when darkness came, we could only see ourselves reflected on the damp glass of the sliding doors. Outside, the rain had become a drizzle, but we could still hear the faint, incessant patter of running water.
posted by sfliew | 6:25 PM
6 Comments:
Anonymous said...
Dear Sfun
Just seen this very sad news. My sincere condolences to you, and to your friend and his/her family for the loss of a valuable life.
Take care, Susan
3:44 AM
sfliew said...
Thanks. I will pass on the condolences to my friend. She is now trying to cope in the aftermath. It will take a long time, if ever, for this wound to heal.
6:43 AM
bayi said...
My condolences. What a sad waste of young talent.
I can't help but be captivated by the picturesque description of the rain in your friend's garden.
2:03 AM
sfliew said...
Thank you for the condolences.
You know, sometimes the outward clime reflects the inward clime; and for some inexplicable reason, it was exactly so that day. That time was marked by the prospect of an inconsolable, never-ending period of sadness, much like the water which could not cease, despite the darkness and the easing of the rain.
5:57 AM
bayi said...
Like the interrelation between the micro and the macro worlds? Between the human and the cosmic (in this case, natural) worlds? This is an old belief, perhaps stretching way back to the Elizabethan times, but not without basis. More so when we are in a more vulnerable state of sensitivity, such as being in a state of deep loss in your case. During such times, we become more sensitive and are able to preceive many things that we don't normally see.
But thanks for the poetic description. I enjoyed the picturesque imagery.
6:31 PM
sfliew said...
Yes absolutely.
Such a period for me was after my mother's death in April last year. While I have always believed that our lives are entwined with the spiritual world around us, it was during this time that I had more encounters which I will call "spiritual" for want of a better word, than I ever had in my entire existence. And although there were instances when I felt fear and dread, I also felt protected by my mother's presence.
8:08 PM
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New Year's Day
It was a very difficult day. I saw the obituary of my friend's niece in the papers, and discovered in one quick phone call the fragility of our mortal state. She was 31, a star all her life, in paper and on the field. A doctorate in biotechnology at 28; and a post-doctorate in the US before she was admitted for acute pneumonia, and shortly after, doctors discovered she had leukemia, very late stage. Within 10 days of diagnosis, she had succumbed.
Exactly a month from a December 2 photo of her smiling broadly with her first snowman, accompanied by an exuberant email account, punctuated liberally with smilies, of her first snowball fight, all that's left of her body are ashes in an urn, quietly coming home in the arms of her grieving mother. The brightness of her body, spirit and mind, and the swiftness in which it was extinguished, leaving a grief that cannot bear description marked the turning of the year for me. I, who merely stood on the periphery of that vast pool of collective weeping of her family and her many closest friends, am deeply shaken.
I cannot imagine how it would be for those who love her so deeply.
Yesterday, all evening, I sat with my friend. We watched the rain sweeping through her back garden, the long fingers of leaves glistening from rivulets that ran, unbidden, down their lean green lengths. Sometimes, a gusting wind shook the moisture off, but the rivulets returned, like a persistent stream claiming its natural course. And after a while, when darkness came, we could only see ourselves reflected on the damp glass of the sliding doors. Outside, the rain had become a drizzle, but we could still hear the faint, incessant patter of running water.
posted by sfliew | 6:25 PM
6 Comments:
Anonymous said...
Dear Sfun
Just seen this very sad news. My sincere condolences to you, and to your friend and his/her family for the loss of a valuable life.
Take care, Susan
3:44 AM
sfliew said...
Thanks. I will pass on the condolences to my friend. She is now trying to cope in the aftermath. It will take a long time, if ever, for this wound to heal.
6:43 AM
bayi said...
My condolences. What a sad waste of young talent.
I can't help but be captivated by the picturesque description of the rain in your friend's garden.
2:03 AM
sfliew said...
Thank you for the condolences.
You know, sometimes the outward clime reflects the inward clime; and for some inexplicable reason, it was exactly so that day. That time was marked by the prospect of an inconsolable, never-ending period of sadness, much like the water which could not cease, despite the darkness and the easing of the rain.
5:57 AM
bayi said...
Like the interrelation between the micro and the macro worlds? Between the human and the cosmic (in this case, natural) worlds? This is an old belief, perhaps stretching way back to the Elizabethan times, but not without basis. More so when we are in a more vulnerable state of sensitivity, such as being in a state of deep loss in your case. During such times, we become more sensitive and are able to preceive many things that we don't normally see.
But thanks for the poetic description. I enjoyed the picturesque imagery.
6:31 PM
sfliew said...
Yes absolutely.
Such a period for me was after my mother's death in April last year. While I have always believed that our lives are entwined with the spiritual world around us, it was during this time that I had more encounters which I will call "spiritual" for want of a better word, than I ever had in my entire existence. And although there were instances when I felt fear and dread, I also felt protected by my mother's presence.
8:08 PM
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