''Sins''

It is fitting that I spend new year's eve listening to my favorite operatic tune; this one is a gem lost more than two years ago, and if not for Youtube I wouldn't be listening to it right now. The music video I'm referring to is the Cantonese operatic tune sang by the late Anita Mui at a charity concert to help the China flood victims in 1991. I had taped the event together with a cantonese opera movie called the `three smiles'. Those days, you, Saw Hong and I used to watch the tape every time you visit because `three smiles' is a comedy opera movie and you like comedies. Before the tape finishes, we would listen to Anita Mui singing the ''Sins'', a lament about paying the sins for a hard life and its accompanying poverty. Some call it the beggar's song. Sang beautifully by Anita Mui, the song evokes a sense of despair and inevitability about fate in life. One day, I threw away the tape not because I grew tired of it but it was destroyed by mold and moss as humidity set in. For the last two years, I was thinking about the tape and recall how much fun we had watching it together. Two weeks ago, Lady Luck smiled on me. A colleague of mine who is also an Anita Mui fan forwarded me the link to Youtube showing the video clip of the charity concert! I was naturally thrilled, but if only momentarily as the reality of you not being here to share it with me sank in. To think that we always hang out together on new year's eve, this moment is the hardest to accept.

What a year!

2007 has been a good year, although it didn't quite start as well at work. I lost my boss and half the research team, but somehow we still managed to produce some decent work. We moved to the 9th floor end Sept. and I had great pleasure setting up the new wing and the team settled in very nicely. I have a cosy corner where I have a complete view of my team-mates. Since we moved up, I have been happier with my team and work as we are left alone to do our job even though we are still short of staff. It's been very tough to find people in booming Singapore where unemployment has been the lowest for decades. Cost of living is fast rising as housing rentals and taxi fares zoomed up. Still, I prefer working in Singapore than KL with its never-ending traffic problems.
Outside work, I'm learning how to relax and stay fit by going to the gym 3x a week. Sat. morning is when I work out with a personal trainer (hmmm, he's got a great build with 6 packs) who literally pushes me to the limit, ignoring my moaning and groaning when the pain becomes unbearable. I have lost 4-5kg since I took up gym and now weigh between 50-51kg. looks like i have to get a new wardrobe!
A few weeks ago, your mom came by on her way to the UK and US. I took half a day off to spend some time with her and in the evening, Raj and I celebrated her birthday at Original Sin where the food is rated *****. She will be spending about 5 days with Chean Shen in Liverpool before flying off to Illinois to see Ross. Oh, and Li Huey was home for two weeks. We talked over the phone and I was pleased to know that she is doing well; finished her Masters and starting her doctorate program.
While it has been a good year, nothing is the same without you. Sometimes we just do things to get by. I really miss you very much.
aunty choo2

Celebrating MP's Life - Episode 1

10th November 2007 marked the 1st event to celebrate life in a way that I thought you would have continued living your life. Aunty Choo2 and I drove with Reiter to an Orang Asli village located on Carey Island to bring back some of their craft to KL. It took us under 11/2 hours to reach the Island but more than 3 hours returning. This was due to the roadblocks that were set up to try and stop the 'clean election' march by the opposition. Well even with the roadblocks and rain, more than 40 thousand supporters managed to get through.

On this trip, we brought back a wooden carving that had been ordered by an individual. Pretty good work. It had a hand holding up an interlocking chain. The hand was resting on a head that looked somewhat like the face of a dragon with a free moving pearl in its open mouth. All these were carved from a single piece of wood. The other items are their regular produce which is offered for sale at specially set up OA craft stalls manned by volunteers. 100% of the proceeds go back to the artisans.

Some of the women were already gathered at the craft center with their ware while a couple more drifted in soon after we arrived. Reiter had informed them of our arrival so they were expecting us. Still there was a sense of excitement and they appeared genuinely happy to see us. After threading our way through a muddy patch, we were ushered into the craft center and invited to sit on a hand woven mat that was reserved for visitors.

We were offered tea and a share of the snacks that Reiter brought for them. So while we seeped tea and admired the pieces of woven craft on by these people, Reiter went about accomplishing her task. First she handed out some over the counter medicinal supplies such as panadol, antihistamines, thermal plaster and Chinese ointment or 'Hong Eu'. Then it was payout time. Reiter pays the artisans 50% of what they want for their ware upon collection and then another 50% after the sale. This way, she can spread the limited resources she has among the many villages that she is working with. After this is done, Reiter goes about itemizing the new stock she is bringing back on this trip and paying the artisans for the items collected.

With these tasks accomplished we packed the products into the trunk, bade farewell and was off to rejoin the hustle and bustle of the city but not before a nice lunch at a nearby seafood restaurant.

Lending a hand

Around MP's birthday I started thinking about how to commemorate her entry into our lives. I wanted to do something that she would approve of, something that would reflect her nature and true spirit..

My thoughts started to take the form of maybe donating to a charitable organization in her name. So step one of this project was accomplished, I knew the what but the 'how' and 'which' was not quite clear.

That was the extent of my effort ... stalled for lack of a creative idea that felt right. Then a little over a week ago, my friend Sze Ning told me about how poor many of the orang Asli community are. These people she tells me are the real 'hard core poor'. There are inidividuals who try to help these people but resources are limited and they rely directly on private donations.

In one example, a good samaritan brings whatever over the counter medical supplies and stationery to the villages whenever she can. I knew immediately that this was the 'how' and 'which' question that I was comteplating. MP had donated blood on a regular basis, not just 1x a year but up to 3x a year if she could and did. So when I heard about this activity, I could see MP getting involved. I can visualize her nodding her head in agreement....

http://www.wildasia.net/main.cfm?page=article&articleID=267 http://www.coac.org.my/codenavia/portals/coacv1/code/main/main_art.php?parentID=11374493258660&artID=11541437513190

Navigating in Murky Surroundings

Wikipedia defines a compass as a navigational instrument for finding directions ...

I suppose our 'sense of direction' is an inbuilt navigational device, that helps us find our way around on a daily basis.

In one dream, I found myself in a huge car park lot looking for somebody who was supposed to give me a ride. After looking around for a while and just as panic started to kick in, I found your cousins Cheng and Pheng. In that instance, the thought that it wasn't you waiting for me drifed into my mind. In that same thought was the knowledge that if it was you waiting for me, you would have spotted me as soon as I got to the car park because it would be like you to be looking out for me or for anyone else for that matter.

Yesterday, I had another dream. Not much different in context, just a different setting and different players. This time, I managed to get lost and found myself in some part of Penang that was not familiar. Just as I was trying to figure out how to get out of this place, you showed up. Needless to say, I was elated that you were there. Your sense of direction was always good. But in the next instance you were nowhere to be found. I kept pressing the speed dial on my phone to call you but each time, I could not get through.

People say that our dreams reflect our conscious experience. I am begining to realize just how much I had depended on you. You were my rock and now I find myself having to find my way without a navigational tool. Every now and then, an emptiness and sense of lose hits me and I spiral into a deep abyss of depression.

Dream of you today.

You just came back from somewhere, you brought some ppl with you. I kinda have the feeling it's your partner. Indian + kuai lo i think with a shorter fat bro. We're running around the shopping complex. I remember eating in kfc and talking about what a remarkable recovery you had. Then there was a flash, a group picture, i had an indian girl fwen? maybe my personality would have been different if you were still around? Then i can't recall much in between, but it's mainly normal everyday stuff anyway. Anyway the last flash was mom crying. She is crying because you are not here. And i woke up crying because it was just a dream.

I think the dream prepresented what would it be like if you were still around.

You would have been 32 yesterday. So very young to be a memory... but a memory is all I have to keep me going.

Since the funeral, I had not returned to the temple where your remains are housed. This was by choice as I want to believe that you are free from any earthly bounds. However, lately, I have been asking myself if I should go.

As your birthday drew nearer, I thought a lot about what we would do to celebrate your life. That part I was adamant to doing. The question was how. I had thought about donating to a charitable organization in your name but have not concluded as to which one.

The easy part was looking for your favourite food. 2 days back, CS and I ended up at a Japanese Restaurant at Plaza Damas. They had a membership concept very similar to Sushi King. When I was filling up the form, I included your name and bday in the form, thinking we may want to go back there for your bday.

Well we ended up trying a new place in town for lunch. This was a specialty shop offering roasted streaky pork. Really good and really oily just the way you would have liked it. For dinner we had take home Sweet and Sour Crabs coz your aunty Choo2 wanted to watch her favourite football team play.

I keep reminding myself that you are in a better place but its still very hard. I can't help missing you and still can't quite shake off the feeling of disbelieve..

Remembering you

We (your mom, Chean Shen and aunty choo2) wanted to spend your birthday the way you might have. We ended up at Times Square after lunch at Jalan Imbi which you would have enjoyed; char siu fun. At Times Square, your mom recalled spending an evening there with you and Chean Shen. If I recalled correctly, you wanted to pick up a book at Borders with your mom's book voucher which she didn't have it with her then. Yes, before I forget, Chean Shen is back from the UK for his school break. He will be returning to the UK end of the month to continue with his Masters. He ran into a little bit of problem getting a place to stay as his so-called landlady turned out to be a fraudster. He lost some money but I remembered his very first words were: `I wish my sis were here. She would have known what to do'. So touching.
Anyway, we spent a quiet evening having some chilly crabs, another of your favorite dish, from a place you had been in Kepong. We all miss you very much.
your loving aunty choo2

Postcard from Liverpool

Dear Mei Phing
You would have been pleased to know that I visited your brother Chean Shen in Liverpool last week. We met up on Friday morning at Marybone (pronounced as Marybond as in Bond, James Bond) where he stays with his 5 other collegemates from TAR. He has settled in comfortably, likes the weather and enjoys campus life so much so as to put on some weight. We took a walk, probably more than 30 minutes, to the Liverpool Football Club stadium famously called Anfield. We took a guided tour of the museum and stadium and enjoyed every minute of it taking alot of pictures naturally. When we were done, we made a dash for lunch as rain threatened. Sadly, I had to call it a day after spending some 20 minutes in Chean Shen's room waiting for him to download some pictures for me to bring home to your mum. as I was lying on his bed, i looked up and saw the letter 99 pasted on the ceiling. i asked him what it means and it turns out to be the inspiration for him to get first class honors! I am proud of him, so would you be. Wished you were here.
I miss you.
your loving aunty choo2

Sharing the good news

Mei Phing

Chean Shen has just got his Advanced Diploma in Electrical Engineering and is on his way to the University of Liverpool to finish his degree. Your brother worked very hard for this. We are all so proud of him, so would you be. We know you had always wanted him to do well. Wished you were here to share the joy with us. Miss you very much.

aunty choo choo

Chinese New Year for MP

The mall was packed with shoppers getting ready for the coming Chinese New Year. New clothes and shoes are the order of the day and for some people, new hair dos. For MP, a pair of new shoes is a must. Wearing new shoes on the first day of the CNY was symbolic of avoiding “nasty” people.

Another tradition was the giving and receiving of “ang pows”. This is an old Chinese tradition. Married couples are expected to give an “ang pow” to those who are still single regardless of their age. Needless to say, .this tradition was a favorite with MP.

Like a kid she would gleefully accept an “ang pow” regardless of the monetary value. I think it was really the process that appeals to her. This year the first day of the year will fall on the 18th of Feb.

The season will never be the same without her but some things need not change. Yes Mei Phing, mom will continue to give you an “ang pow” every year. I will always love you and you will always be in my heart.